Why Men Are Never Depressed (and subsequently why women are)

Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures?

-Your last name stays put.
-The garage is all yours.
-Wedding plans take care of themselves.
-Chocolate is just another snack.
-You can be President.
-You can never be pregnant.
-You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
-Car mechanics tell you the truth.
-The world is your urinal.
-You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
-You only bleed when cut.
-You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt (righty tighty, lefty loosey).
-Same work, more pay.
-Wrinkles add character.
-Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
-People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
-New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
-Large feet are attractive.
-One mood all the time (for most men excluding my husband).
-Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
-A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
-You can open all your own jars.
-You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
-If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
-Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
-Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
-You almost never have strap problems in public (although you do adjust and scratch other things in public and no one says anything).
-You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
-Everything on your face stays its original color.
-The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades (except for your mullet!).
-Salt and pepper colored hair is sexy and distinguished.
-You only have to shave your face and neck (again unless you are my husband and hate any kind of hair altogether) .
-You can play with toys all your life.
-One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons and life, usually.
-You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
-You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
-You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache (but please choose not to, that's just my opinion).
-You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.


No wonder men are happier...